twi-ny talks

TWI-NY TALK: CHUCK PALAHNIUK

: Chuck Palahniuk will be celebrating the release of TELL-ALL at the Great Hall at the Cooper Union on May 6 (photo by Shawn Grant)

CHUCK PALAHNIUK: TELL-ALL (Doubleday, May 4, 2010, $24.95)
The Great Hall at the Cooper Union
7 East Seventh St. at Third Ave.
Thursday, May 6, $30, 6:00
www.chuckpalahniuk.net
www.strandbooks.com
www.randomhouse.com

There’s a critical moment in every Chuck Palahniuk book when readers have to decide whether to forge ahead or return it disgustedly to the shelf, perhaps never to be opened again. In such bestselling novels as FIGHT CLUB, CHOKE, HAUNTED, RANT, and PYGMY, Palahniuk describes, in great detail, gut-twisting (literally) scenes of intense, brutal sex and/or violence, often told in a complex narrative style that takes some getting used to. Stick with it and you’re rewarded with some of the most intelligent, darkest satirical writing of the last fifteen years that’s as fun as it is challenging.

His latest work, TELL-ALL, is told from the point of view of Hazie Coogan, the longtime caretaker and protector of former Hollywood starlet Katherine Kenton. It’s a wry mash-up of SUNSET BOULEVARD and THE BAD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, with Palahniuk bold-facing a vast array of celebrity characters centered around Lillian Hellman, from George Cukor and Adolph Zukor to Christian Dior and Coco Chanel, from Rita Hayworth and Lucille Ball to Peter Lorre and Clifton Webb, and, perhaps most appropriately, famous gossip columnists Walter Winchell, Hedda Hopper, and Louella Parsons.

Palahniuk, a journalism major and former movie projectionist who splits his time between his home state of Washington and Oregon, will be making his sole New York City appearance in support of TELL-ALL on May 6 at the Great Hall at the Cooper Union, a much-anticipated event that will include Julie Halson performing selections from the book as Katherine Kenton and Hazie Coogan; tickets are $30, and all attendees get a poster and a signed hardcover. Palahniuk took a break from his schedule, which will also take him to Portsmouth, Boston, Asheville, Chicago, and other cities, to answer a few questions we had for him over e-mail.

twi-ny: Your rabid fan base, known as the Cult, has a habit of coming to your readings and signings dressed up as characters from your books, tying Christmas trees to the tops of their cars, and mimicking other elements from you stories. What do you think it is about you and your books that attract this kind of worship? When we attend readings by the likes of Paul Auster, Haruki Murakami, and Tom Robbins, things tend to be a bit more subdued, which in no way are we implying is preferable, of course.

Chuck Palahniuk: After twenty years as part of the Cacophony Society, I see that people love events which allow them to act out and participate in consensual ways. No one wants to be the lone fool, but if everyone is dressed as Santa Claus it’s safe and communal and still fun. As the person onstage I’m especially aware of being a lonely idiot so I stage book events to include games and costumes and prizes and activities, each linked to either the book I’m pimping or to the piece I’ve written specifically to read at that event. Yes, this extra effort takes me all winter to orchestrate — even at this moment, my props and prizes are already shipped to each venue, including the Cooper Union — but this structure and preparation also allows me to relax and have a good time. Once I’m traveling and bone-tired and starving I still have the assurance of my structured insanity to keep me sane.

twi-ny: Your new book, TELL-ALL, deals with Hollywood celebrity. Who are some of your favorite old-timers? Bette Davis or Joan Crawford? Clara Bow or Theda Bara? Marilyn, Mamie, or Mansfield?

CP: No one will ever be as bitter and lovely as Geraldine Fitzgerald — I’ll sit through all of WUTHERING HEIGHTS just to hear her say, “Ïf Cathy dies . . . perhaps then I might live.” That’s a guesstimate of the quote. However, I burn a perpetual candle beside a shrine to Gloria Grahame; nobody played more or better floozies and bitches. You know she was polishing Jim Stewart’s apple in IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE or why else would he give her all that money?

twi-ny: Your only New York City appearance will be on May 6 at the Great Hall of the Cooper Union, where presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln gave one of his most memorable speeches, 150 years ago this past February. How do you think Lincoln would do if he were to run in 2012? How do you think he might respond to TELL-ALL and Julie Halston?

CP: Now you’ve lost me — you’re SUCH a name-dropper! I have no idea who Julie Halston is. Or Abraham Lincoln, I can’t even find him on IMDB. Are you referring to the character on the old MOD SQUAD? Wasn’t Peggy Lipton cool . . . sigh.

twi-ny: In your introduction to David Mack’s KABUKI: THE ALCHEMY, you write, “Art is the lie that tells the truth better than the truth. . . . [David Mack builds] a metaphor that allows people to see and explore their own experience.” The same can be said for your writing, which is also very visual and cinematic. Do you have any interest in perhaps collaborating with an artist such as David Mack, or writing a graphic novel or comic book? Your website features Kissgzs’s adaptations of INVISIBLE MONSTERS and LULLABY; might there be more of those in the future?

CP: Frankly, I won’t rule out anything except suicide.

TWI-NY TALK: LENORE SKENAZY

Writer and mom Lenore Skenazy has a novel idea for May 22

TAKE OUR CHILDREN TO THE PARK . . . AND LEAVE THEM THERE DAY
Saturday, May 22, free
www.freerangekids.com

On May 22, Lenore Skenazy wants you to take your kids to the park — and leave them there. Alternately referred to as America’s Worst Mom and a national hero, Skenazy, a longtime New York City-based newspaper columnist, is the creator of the website and growing movement Free-Range Kids, which she considers “a commonsense approach to parenting in these overprotective times.” The married mother of two boys launched the site, freerangekids.com, in April 2008 after getting attacked for her New York Sun column “Why I Let My Nine-Year-Old Take the Subway Alone.” A year later, her book FREE-RANGE KIDS: HOW TO RAISE SAFE, SELF-RELIANT CHILDREN (WITHOUT GOING NUTS WITH WORRY) was published in hardcover; it has just been released in paperback as well.

Within moments of each new post on the site, which examines child-related news stories, court cases, school dilemmas, and other parental topics, dozens and dozens either cheer her on or lambast this decidedly non-helicopter mom. As one would expect, her latest venture, Take Our Children to the Park . . . and Leave Them There Day, is stirring up its fair share of controversy, which promises to only get more heated as May 22 approaches.

twi-ny: Again and again on your website, you cite statistics that are either misinterpreted or ignored by the media and government bodies about children’s safety. Why is it so hard for news and community organizations to get their facts straight?

Lenore Skenazy: Here’s the amazing news: We are currently enjoying a historic thirty-seven-year drop in crime, nationwide. In New York, the 2009 murder rate was the lowest in nearly fifty years! We are on par with the early ’60s, crime-wise. That was still the sweater set and college-boys-with-pipes era!

These statistics are hard to believe because on TV, it’s all crime all the time — from CNN to CSI. One woman once said, “How dare you say children are as safe as we were when we see abductions on TV every day!” The thing is: We see the same abductions on TV every day. We’ve been seeing the sad story of Etan Patz for thirty years, for example, and people still cite it as a reason they won’t let their kids walk to school. This, despite the tens of millions of children who have been born, gone to school, graduated and had their own kids since then — who were not abducted at the bus stop. And whose stories we don’t see on TV.

Tragic stories sear themselves on our brains. Then, when we ask ourselves a question like, “Is it safe for my kid to wait at the bus stop?” up pops the most graphic image: Etan. Then our brains act like Google: We assume the first thing that pops up is the most common. “Abductions are happening all the time!” Long story short: That is why it is so hard for us to keep the good news in perspective.

twi-ny: Your book FREE-RANGE KIDS is now out in paperback; what kind of effect do you think it and the website have had? What kind of response do you expect to get from your creation of Take Our Children to the Park . . . and Leave Them There Day?

LS: What’s great is that helicopter parents have existed for a while. So have Free-Range parents — folks who suspect we don’t have to be quite so worried about quite so much — but we didn’t have a name. Now we do, and a place to gather for moral support, and a book with tips, hard facts, and jokes!

Sometimes it’s hard to let your third grader stay at home while you go pick up some groceries or have your fifth grader walk home after school. The blog is a place to open up about these newly “radical” acts, and the book is a way to gain perspective: In my chapter “Why Other Countries Are Laughing at Zee Scaredy-Cat Americans,” I point out children walk to school starting in kindergarten or first grade everywhere else in the world. In my chapter “Relax! Not Every Little Thing You Do Has THAT Much Impact on Your Child’s Development,” I remind parents that we are not the only influence on our children’s lives. And, ultimately, we cannot control them or the world. (Darn!)

The response to Take Our Children to the Park . . . and Leave Them There Day has been wild. Other sites blogging about it have gotten big-time blowback: “The predators will have a field day!” “What happens if someone gets hurt?” On freerangekids.com, meanwhile, folks are psyched to have a day to start giving our kids the freedom and fun that helps them grow up happy, healthy, and maybe even a little sunburnt.

And remember: This is for kids starting at about age seven or eight. I’m not saying we should abandon our toddlers.

twi-ny: If the trend of the widespread overprotection of kids continues, including their spending less and less time outdoors and more and more time in front of their computers as well as the limiting of what they are allowed to bring to school and eat there, what do you foresee for future generations?

LS: Well, I never like to imagine the very worst — that’s too easy. “Oh, they’ll all be fat and diabetic and slurping their meals like the people in WALL-E!” I just assume that the kids who do some of what we did as kids — hang out in nature, make up games, learn to settle their own disputes, and entertain themselves — will rule.

What’s kind of funny is that all the new studies about child development point to the importance of play. That’s why every human generation — until this one — just did it automatically. It’s the preprogrammed way kids learn to create, communicate, compromise. The way they learn to grow up. We can’t do it for them, even though lately that’s what it seems like we’re trying to do. We take them to play classes and enroll them in programs, or sit them in front of a screen that plays with them.

I’m all for enrichment. My kids have done a number of extracurriculars, from piano to football. But children need some down time, too. Say, a day at the playground — without us.

TWI-NY TALK: GRAHAM PARKER

Graham Parker creates his own kind of very different television on his website and new album

GRAHAM PARKER AND THE FIGGS
City Winery
155 Varick St.
Friday, April 30
212-608-0555
www.citywinery.com
www.grahamparker.net

It’s hard to believe that it’s been thirty-four years since British rocker Graham Parker first made a name for himself with the 1976 double shot of HOWLIN’ WIND and HEAT TREATMENT, two seminal albums that laid the groundwork for a complex, vaunted career that has also included such highly praised records as SQUEEZING OUT SPARKS (1979), THE MONA LISA’S SISTER (1988), and DON’T TELL COLUMBUS (2007). Over the years, Parker has written such pop gems as “Hey Lord, Don’t Ask Me Questions,” “Protection,” “Local Girls,” “Discovering Japan,” “Passion Is No Ordinary Word,” and “You Can’t Be Too Strong” as he toured the world solo as well as with a series of backup bands ranging from the legendary Rumour and the Small Clubs to the Shot and his current group, the Figgs.

Parker is out on the road these days supporting his latest release, IMAGINARY TELEVISION (Bloodshot, March 2010), a genius concept album containing eleven tunes that slide comfortably into the impressive Parker songbook, featuring inciteful and insightful, biting, ironic, and genuinely funny lyrics. Last year Parker was asked to write two theme songs on spec for a pair of television pilots; after both songs were rejected, Parker decided to create his own television network, consisting of eleven invented programs and movies for which he would write the theme songs. The result is the fabulously creative and entertaining IMAGINARY TELEVISION, which comes with a synopsis of each show instead of a lyric sheet: “Weather Report” is about an agoraphobic man obsessed with the Weather Channel, “Bring Me a Heart Again” follows the “potential cataclysmic depression” of private eye Nate Rimshot, and “Not Where You Think You Are” details the dramatic story of David “Dibby” Hrdlicka, who is participating in a government experiment testing “a substance that apparently occurs naturally inside the inner linings of lost golf balls left outside in the rough for over ten years.” The shows might sound ridiculous, but the songs are anything but, told in the classic Parker style.

Parker and the Figgs will be at City Winery on April 30; we recently caught up with him for a brief e-mail chat about his new album, his talented generation (Parker will turn sixty later this year), and life in general.

A Graham Parker show always promises a good time for all (photo by twi-ny/mdr)

twi-ny: Prior to being asked to write the two TV theme songs that eventually got rejected, what was your relationship, if any, with television? Were you a lover or a hater?

Graham Parker: I was about eleven years old when we finally got TV, just in time for THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW and 77 SUNSET STRIP and all those Westerns like GUNSMOKE. This is what we grew up with in England. They were probably the first shows I watched. TV is the greatest medium there is in my view.

twi-ny: City Winery seems to attract a certain brand of British-born wise-guy guitarist/songwriter with wry, cynical senses of humor; recent shows have featured Richard Thompson and Robyn Hitchcock, and Ian Hunter will be there shortly after you are. What keeps that generation of musicians still so vibrant, making exciting new records and playing terrific shows long after musicians half their age have petered out and faded away?

GP: It’s funny, my agent recently said to me that ’80s and ’90s acts can’t get arrested but ’70s acts are flying out the door. Hopefully, it’s the strength of the songwriting and the rich understanding of multiple musical styles. We were able to mine the ’60s musical explosion more adeptly because we were so much nearer to that period than people born in the ’70s.

twi-ny: Among the songs on the new album is “Always Greener.” A visit to your website, which includes a video of you and your son playing in the snow, makes it look like you’re pretty darn happy, not worrying about the color of anyone else’s grass. How’s life these days?

GP: I’m affected by the world around me, of course, and it brings me down like everyone else, but as I get older I find myself living in an imaginary landscape like the one you see in “Sunglass(es) The Graham Parker Show.” I think I’m losing my mind, but it’s not as bad as it’s cracked up to be.

TWI-NY TALK: JAKE SZUFNAROWSKI

Three-hour cruise includes great live bands and DJs and awesome views

ROCKS OFF CONCERT CRUISES
The Jewel, the Paddlewheel Queen, the Half Moon, Skyport Marina, East 23rd St. & the FDR Dr.
The Temptress, World Yacht Marina, Pier 81, West 41st St. & the West Side Highway
April 8 – September 24, $10-$35
www.rocksoff.com

Jake Szufnarowski is a soft-spoken, mild-mannered Bee Gees fan who has been organizing pleasant concert cruises in New York City for ten years now. Well, um, strike that. Szuf Daddy is actually a hard-rockin’ crazy-ass tattooed mutha who’s been throwin’ wild parties for a decade on the Hudson and East Rivers while blasting away in a heavy metal tribute to the brothers Gibb.

Szufnarowski is celebrating the tenth anniversary of Rocks Off Concert Cruises, three-hour musical journeys on the rivers surrounding Manhattan during which fans are encouraged to party hard, fast, and long. This year’s stellar lineup kicks off on April 8 with Nashville Pussy and includes what should be amazing shows with Dam-Funk (April 24), Playboys of the Western World (June 5), jam band Railroad Earth (June 17), Ninja Tune DJ extraordinaire Mr. Scruff (July 2), cruise veterans the Electric Six (July 15), and one of the best live bands on the planet, the Black Lips (August 2), among many others. Earlier this week, Szufnarowski took a break from his studies to address a few questions about tribute bands, tattoos, and rolling on the river.

twi-ny: Many people are tentative to catch a show on a boat because they’re trapped — once they’re on, there’s no way off until the boat docks at the end of the night. What do you tell those people?

Jake Szufnarowski: Thankfully we thought of that!! We have dingys that depart the main boat every half an hour and take you on a scenic tour of the Gowanus Canal before dropping you off in “Do or Die” Bed-Stuy. Then you find your own way home from there. Or you can just stay on the boat. All of our boats are multilevel — so if you want to get away from the band, you can. And all the boats have outdoor decks to soak in the sun and get unobstructed views of the most beautiful city and skyline in the world. If you’re afraid that you can’t enjoy yourself on a boat full of bands, booze, and babes for three hours, then you should probably stay home and post snide comments on Brooklyn Vegan making fun of people who actually know how to enjoy themselves. Then you can dine on a fat, meaty GoFuckYourself sandwich!

Szuf Daddy shows off massive tattoo that took a year to complete

twi-ny: You’re in a tribute band, and the new Rocks Off season includes a bunch of tribute bands as well as the next edition of Tribute Wars. What separates a good tribute band from a bad tribute band?

JS: I’m in a tribute band? Fuck me. Is that why I’m not making any money on publishing? I guess that’s why I have to put on all these boat shows. For the money. And the [women]! Sweet sweet [women]! Tribute bands are like regular bands — 95% of ’em suck. Mine happens to be the best. If we tried to be the Bee Gees, we’d suck. But we’re TRAGEDY: THE NUMBER ONE HEAVY METAL TRIBUTE TO THE BEE GEES IN THE TRISTATE AREA!!!!!! We Rocks Sweet Balls and Can Do No Wrong.

twi-ny: Among your many tattoos is the logo for another band you’re in, Children of the Unicorn, in which a unicorn is doing it to a dolphin, and a recently completed tatt based on a Glenn Hidalgo painting. Assuming you have any room left on your body, what’s next?

JS: Yeah — that’s an awesome original band I’m in. But they aren’t doing it, you pervert. The title of that piece is “The Embrace.” It was a tattoo before we were a band, though. The Glenn Hidalgo painting was something I commissioned for my thirtieth birthday. It’s me as half-man / half-motorcycle — a motaur — in front of a postapocalyptic scene of NYC. That tattoo took seven sessions of six hours each over the course of an entire year to complete. So not sure I’m going to get anything too big too soon. Recent awesome tats have been a Yankees logo after the World Series win, an autograph of pro wrestling legend Terry Funk, a hot pink GFY (which stands for GoFuckYourself — due to the sudden popularity of the Facebook page I started). Next up, though, I’m getting my whole chest done. It’s going to be the reverse view of the motaur — if 3D is the new direction of the film industry, then I’m going to pioneer it in the tattoo world!!!

TWI-NY TALK: DEAN HASPIEL

Dean Haspiel is a fixture on the comic book scene and at MoCCA, seen here pointing at Neil Swaab at 2009 art festival (photo by twi-ny/mdr)

Dean Haspiel is a fixture on the comic book scene and at MoCCA, seen here telling Mr. Wiggles creator Neil Swaab who’s the man at the 2009 festival (photo by twi-ny/mdr)

MoCCA ART FESTIVAL 2010
69th Regiment Armory
68 Lexington Ave. between 25th & 26th Sts.
April 10-11, $10/day, $15-$20/both days
212-254-3511
www.moccany.com
www.deanhaspiel.com

For more than two decades, Dean Haspiel has been a comic book force all his own. A wildly talented and gregarious writer, illustrator, promoter, creator, and organizer, Dino works nonstop to build up his own expansive resume as well as the industry itself. In February 2006, he started ACT-I-VATE, a web-based comics collective that features such series as Josh Neufeld’s “Lionel,” Kevin Colden’s “Fishtown,” Nick Bertozzi’s “Iraq War Stories,” and his own “Billy Dogma” and “Street Code,” the latter a terrific semiautobiographical tale set in New York City, where Dino was born and raised. Along the way, he has collaborated on prestigious projects with Harvey Pekar (AMERICAN SPLENDOR, THE QUITTER), Jonathan Lethem (the upcoming BACK ON NERVOUS ST.), Michael Chabon (THE ESCAPIST), and Jonathan Ames (THE ALCOHOLIC), and he contributes drawings and illustrations to Ames’s HBO cable series BORED TO DEATH, which features Zach Galifianakis playing a character inspired by Haspiel’s real life.

We caught up with Dino in one of his very few spare moments as he was preparing to spread the word about the ninth annual MoCCA Art Festival, a celebration of comics and graphic novels that will be held April 10-11 at the 69th Regiment Armory. In addition to being all over the fair, including participating in the panel discussion “The Art of the Superhero: When Singular Vision Meets Popular Mythology” on April 10 at 2:00, Haspiel will turn into alter ego DJ Man-Size at the official festival after-party later that night at the Village Pourhouse. “I’ll mostly be spinning old school hip-hop and electronica from the 1980s with a slant on future funk,” he explained. “Think black Kraftwerk . . . think Boba Fett with tassels instead of scalps.”

twi-ny: You’ve collaborated with such talented writers as Harvey Pekar, Jonathan Lethem, Michael Chabon, and Jonathan Ames; who is your next dream collaborator?

Dean Haspiel: I’ve been itching to collaborate with author Tim Hall on an original graphic novel and we have something planned. I’d also like to collaborate with mystery writer Joe R. Lansdale on adapting his brilliant Hap and Leonard characters into comics form. Plus, I don’t think my career would feel satisfactory if I hadn’t collaborated with some of my favorite comic book writers, the likes of Mark Waid, J. M. DeMatteis, and a handful of others.

twi-ny: Who is your favorite character to draw, whether created by you or another artist?

DH: My favorite characters to draw are my creator-owned Billy Dogma & Jane Legit. But I love drawing Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s the Thing from the Fantastic Four, and I was recently afforded the opportunity to write and draw a short Thing story in an upcoming issue of Marvel Comics’ Strange Tales sequel.

Jane Legit shows her love for Billy Dogma in Dean Haspiel’s “Bring Me the Heart of Billy Dogma,” from THE ACT-I-VATE PRIMER

twi-ny: On BORED TO DEATH, Zach Galifianakis’s Ray Hueston character is based on you. Is it easy to watch him, or does it hit a little too close to home?

DH: The Ray Hueston character on BORED TO DEATH is loosely based on some events that happened to me, but I don’t think Zach Galifianakis was subjected to a parallax view of my life and my behavioral traits by any stretch of the imagination. So, I can safely declare that Zach and Jonathan Ames have wholly created Ray from spirited, albeit inspired, cloth. However, I was recently privy to the filmmaking of a certain scene in the upcoming season and I remarked how bizarre it was to watch my proposed doppelganger play out an important event, something I never got the opportunity to do in my own life, and how frustrating yet weirdly cathartic that was for me.

twi-ny How do you find the time to do all the things you do, including serving as a relentless promoter of the comics industry?

DH: Don’t even get me started. If everyone on their chosen social networking sites would just share what they liked with the simple click of a button rather than whine about this and that and publish what they had for lunch, I might be able to shrug off my self-imposed burden to cheer what is good and, instead, produce more stories and eat dinner before 10 pm with the people I love to spend time with. Alas, the internet accesses a dark gene in humanity that encourages some folks to constantly complain and act like jerks and do things they wouldn’t dare do in front of real people. I don’t do anything that we all couldn’t do together if we just took a minute to think straight and understand our information and entertainment values.

This year’s MoCCA Art Festival runs April 10-11 at the 69th Regiment Armory, featuring such participants as Kim Deitch, Emily Flake, Jaime Hernandez. Neil Kleid, Peter Kuper, Hope Larson, Frank Miller, Paul Pope, Dash Shaw, Gahan Wilson, and Klein Award recipient David Mazzucchelli. Single tickets are $10 in advance, $12 day of show, with weekend tickets available for $15 in advance and $20 at the door. The official after-party will take place April 10 at the Village Pourhouse, with drink specials and free snacks beginning at 8:00; admission is $5.

TWI-NY TALK: JON STEWART AND STEPHEN COLBERT

Jon Stewart will get out from behind his desk to star in summer Shakespeare production with Stephen Colbert

THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA
The Daily Show Studios
733 Eleventh Ave. between 51st & 52nd Sts.
July 9-31, free, 8:00
www.thedailyshow.com
www.colbertnation.com

Every Monday through Thursday, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert go back to back, taking on politics and more in their hugely successful Comedy Central programs THE DAILY SHOW and THE COLBERT REPORT. They usually have weekends off, but this summer they will turn Stewart’s Hell’s Kitchen studio into the Globe Theatre as they team up for what promises to be a very different kind of Shakespeare experience.

On Friday and Saturday nights from July 9 through July 31, Emmy winners Stewart and Colbert will star in THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA, rotating in the lead roles of Valentine and Proteus. They will be joined by Samantha Bee as Silvia, Kristen Schaal as Julia, Jason Jones as the Duke of Milan, John Hodgman as Antonio, Wyatt Cenac as Thurio, Lewis Black as Speed, Aasif Mandvi as Eglamour, and John Oliver as Lucetta. It is a bold undertaking for the close-knit team, who are as friendly off camera as they are on.

Stewart and Colbert recently sat down with twi-ny in our Murray Hill offices to discuss just what makes them think they can pull this off.

twi-ny: Of all the Shakespeare plays you could have chosen, why do THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA?

Stephen Colbert: It was really my idea. It’s one of Willie’s earliest plays, maybe his first, and it’s not very good. This way if we suck, we can blame him.

Jon Stewart: I think it’s actually a cry from Stephen that he’s always wanted the eleven o’clock spot ahead of me. By switching roles with me, he gets to pretend it’s like we’re switching our time slots.

Stephen Colbert will show his acting chops this summer in Bard play

twi-ny: Only a few members of the cast have had any acting roles, primarily small parts in modern-day lowbrow comedies. Do you think that could be a problem?

SC: Did anyone know Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep, Al Pacino, or any of those other “Hollywood types” when they first did Shakespeare in the Park? I think the only thing on Pacino’s resume was playing the old guy in those Pepperidge Farm commercials.

JS: Actually, Stephen, they were all pretty famous already, and had done a lot of Broadway and movies.

SC: I rest my case.

twi-ny: What do you hope to gain by this experience?

SC: Well, I’ve won a Grammy, an Emmy, and a Peabody, so I’m going for a Tony this time.

JS: Um, Stephen, we won’t be eligible for the Tonys.

SC: [pauses] Oh, then, money.

JS: We’re not charging admission, Stephen.

SC: It’s free?

JS: Yes, it’s free. Don’t you remember we discussed this?

SC: Yeah, but I didn’t think you were serious. [looks around] Can someone get my agent on the phone?

In addition to continuing their television series and appearing in THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are currently preparing for the big-screen remake of the 1969 film THE APRIL FOOLS, playing the roles of Jack Lemmon and Catherine Deneuve, respectively.

TWI-NY TALK: DANNY PEARY

roger maris

ROGER MARIS: BASEBALL’S RELUCTANT HERO by Tom Clavin and Danny Peary (Touchstone, March 2010, $26.99)
Wednesday, March 24, Borders, Time Warner Center, 10 Columbus Circle, free, 7:00
Tuesday, April 13, Mickey Mantle’s Restaurant and Sports Bar, 42 Central Park South, free, 4:00
www.borders.com
www.mickeymantles.com
www.books.simonandschuster.com

In seeking to publish the definitive biography of Roger Maris, coauthors Tom Clavin and Danny Peary had a very specific goal in mind as they spent two years speaking with Maris’s family and friends as well as such Hall of Famers as Yogi Berra, Al Kaline, Ferguson Jenkins, Stan Musial, Tom Seaver, Ralph Kiner, and dozens of other baseball players, broadcasters, and executives.

“Like us,” the two writers point out in the acknowledgments at the end of the just-released ROGER MARIS: BASEBALL’S RELUCTANT HERO, “they passionately believed that Roger Maris never received proper recognition from fans and the media for his talent and achievements, his fine character, and his pivotal role in the emerging war between the press and uncooperative celebrities.”

The chapter titles alone reveal that this is not just some feel-good biography: “Family Turmoil,” “Defiance,” “The Villain,” “The Betrayal,” and “Rock Bottom.”

Peary, who has written some twenty books, recently took some time away from his hectic schedule to answer some questions about asterisks, steroids, and home run champs.

What was the most surprising thing you learned about Maris while researching the book?

In the book we document Roger’s war with reporters who were frustrated in their attempts to get him to exchange good quotes for friendly coverage. I knew before doing the research that Roger had a hard time dealing with celebrity and simply attributed that to his being shy and another midwesterner who cherished privacy. What I didn’t know was that he was so unwilling to answer personal questions because, also, there was a history of secrecy in his family dating back to before he was born (including much dysfunction, feuds, and grudges) and that Roger had always kept quiet about his parents hating each other, and his mother’s disreputable behavior.

An even bigger reason Roger was uneasy talking about himself and his on-field heroics was because he idolized his older brother, Rudy Jr., who was considered the better athlete until he got polio. Roger always felt guilty that he went on to have the baseball career that was intended for his brother, so he never felt comfortable tooting his own horn. Rudy Jr.’s polio affected him in profound ways, particularly in regard to the press as he broke Ruth’s record. The sad part is that Roger most definitely became a better athlete than his brother ever would have, but he never admitted it.

Do you think Maris should be in the Hall of Fame?

One reason I wanted to write this book, with Tom Clavin, is that I was there when Maris played and believe Roger’s history as written by sportswriters who didn’t like Roger personally is a distortion of the truth, which was he was a great player who is worthy of Hall of Fame consideration. That he was the guy who broke Babe Ruth’s record — no one else can make that claim — might be enough, as Hank Greenberg asserted, to qualify him for the Hall. But he accomplished a lot more, including two MVPs and All-Star appearances, matching an in-his-prime Mickey Mantle in stats in their seven years together, being the top left-handed batter in the league during his time in the AL, and being an exceptional clutch hitter even when his average was low.

What really qualifies him, I believe, is that he led his era in World Series appearances — seven in nine years — and the only two years his teams didn’t make it were when he was injured. He came to the Yankees when they were a third-place team and they won five straight pennants; he came to the Cardinals when they were a third-place team and they won titles both years he was with them (he was the only major addition to the team), and they stopped winning when he retired. I value greatness and accomplishments over stats, and Maris was great and was the most “winning” ballplayer of his time. (His teams in the minors also improved dramatically when he joined them, so he had a history of making moribund teams into contenders and champions.) Unfortunately, there is no stat for being a great all-around player and there is no stat for never making a mistake, which is how his managers described him. I agree with his teammates who played with him after 1962 who believe he should be in the Hall of Fame.

Maris initially had an asterisk next to his home run record, and now there are many people calling for asterisks to go next to the names Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire, who all hit more than sixty-one homers presumably while taking steroids. Who do you think is the current home run champion, in your mind and the mind of the public?

No asterisk was ever implemented for Maris, contrary to popular belief, but it didn’t matter because Babe Ruth’s name remained in the record books along with Roger’s as the home run champion for 154 games — no other category had such a thing. In 1991, commissioner Fay Vincent got rid of Ruth’s name. McGwire, while on steroids, erased Maris’s name from the record book, getting rid of his identity for the younger generation, a real travesty. Maris was the only one of the four players who bettered Babe Ruth’s record to do it without performance-enhancing drugs and of course should be regarded as the home run champion.

Many of his fans call him the Natural Home Run Champion, and that seems like an appropriate title. Unfortunately, we can never get rid of the other guys from the record books unless they admit they all took illegal substances — and unfortunately steroids weren’t officially illegal in those days. It would be great if the more than one hundred players in the Mitchell Report admitted what they did and we could put asterisks by all of their numbers, but that won’t happen. And remember, it’s not just home runs but singles, doubles, and triples in the record books that are suspect as well. All of the steroid users committed a grave crime against Maris and Ruth but also against the rest of us because the record book can never be fixed.

Tom Clavin and Danny Peary will be reading from and signing copies of ROGER MARIS: BASEBALL’S RELUCTANT HERO on March 24 at 7:00 in the Time Warner Center Borders and on April 13 at Mickey Mantle’s at 4:00, right after the Yankees’ home opener.