Gayle Kirschenbaum delves into her love-hate relationship with her mother in compelling, often agonizing documentary
LOOK AT US NOW, MOTHER! (Gayle Kirschenbaum, 2015)
Village East Cinemas
181-189 Second Ave. at 12th St.
Opens Friday, April 8
212-529-6799
lookatusnowmother.com
www.villageeastcinema.com
“Am I ever going to be able to understand, forgive, and cherish my mother, before time runs out?” filmmaker Gayle Kirschenbaum asks at the beginning of her debut feature documentary, Look at Us Now, Mother! In the film, Kirschenbaum, who previously made the cable hit A Dog’s Life: A Dogamentary and the film festival short My Nose, about her mother’s extreme dislike of her daughter’s nose — and which Kirschenbaum is currently attempting to turn into a full feature, The Bigger Version — spends eighty-four minutes detailing her relationship with her mother, Mildred Abramowitz Kirschenbaum, which was more than rocky from the day Gayle was born, when Mildred, who clearly expected and wanted another boy to join her two older sons, got a baby girl instead. Gayle brings together old home movies, travel footage, visits to a pair of therapists and a plastic surgeon, and interviews with her two brothers and her mother’s friends and first cousins to paint a not-too-pretty picture of Mildred, who lives in Boca Raton and has been putting Gayle down and blaming her since the very beginning. In the film, Mildred claims that she has no idea why her daughter is complaining now, although on one therapist visit, she does admit to at least one Mommie Dearest moment. It’s often painful to watch as Gayle, who wrote, directed, and produced the film in addition to editing it with Alex Keipper and shooting it with Steven Gladstone, relives much of the psychological and emotional torture she experienced at the hands of her parents, primarily her mother, who continues to be nasty, rude, uncaring, and disapproving, even if Mildred doesn’t admit it and even if, deep down, she truly loves her daughter. “We are now off to go to see a therapist,” Mildred says at one point. “We’re going to find out what’s wrong with Gayle’s relationship with me.”
The trauma Gayle suffered is palpable throughout the film as her mother never lets up, unwilling to share her feelings or face up to the harm she inflicted on Gayle, who has never married and has no children. Gayle, who goes deep into her family history, merely wants a mother’s love, but there is too often none to be had. In her director’s statement, Kirschenbaum explains, “I never expected to make such a deeply personal film. I had spent most of my career behind the camera telling other people’s stories, but it soon became apparent that the highly charged relationship I had with my mother and its transformation from hate to love was a story I had to tell.” And it’s a story that everyone can relate to, no matter your relationship with your mother — whom you are likely to call as soon as the film is over. Look at Us Now, Mother! is playing April 8-14 at Village East Cinema, with some serious Q&A sessions following many of the screenings throughout the run, including discussions with both Gayle and Mildred Kirschenbaum, therapist Lois Braverman, Rabbi Aaron Raskin, nonviolent communication instructor Dr. Clara Moisello, psychiatrist Dr. Anthony Stern, associate producer Jessica Phillips, filmmaker and teacher Laszlo Santha, and mindfulness and yoga teacher Shoshana Perry.